My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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