My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize