We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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