dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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