he shaved USA in his pubs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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