I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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