So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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