I just saw a hot homeless man
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
