TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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