i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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