we're blogging at a bar
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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