I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
