I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
