WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
