hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
