Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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