I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
