Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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