Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
