Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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