She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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