carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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