When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
