I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
