Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
