Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
