Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
