Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The air was thick with penises
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
