Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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