I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A+ Viking dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
