Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize