My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
