I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
