Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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