I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
