Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
