everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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