dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
this is an emotional support booty call
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
