Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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