Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
