I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize