Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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