He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
