And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
