If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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