My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
