Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
