he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
