He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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