this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize