Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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