he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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