I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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