He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
