I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
