I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize