Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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