Soap is not a condiment
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
