my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
