I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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