You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
