I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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