My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
