try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
