i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
