i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize