why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
