you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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