the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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