dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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