Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
