Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize