look no pants
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
