you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
