he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
