I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
