I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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