Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
