Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
