I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize