allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
