the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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