Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
