Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
