Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
