Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drinking out of a sandbucket again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize