This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its about making memories worth repressing
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
