his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
