just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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