I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
