is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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