how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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