some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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