I didn't shave. On purpose
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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