I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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