My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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