You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize