help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
