Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
