i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
