I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
