those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
