I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
