so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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