Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
