please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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