My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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