I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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