Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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