i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
