Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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