I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
