No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
