maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
