It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
