your parents love me but you hate me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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