i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
