your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
