Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
