god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
