you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
