ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
